For the past few months, I had been writing day in and day out. Writing becomes my job, my career, my passion, my life.
There were moments I felt contented to be able to do what I do; I questioned myself why I was doing what I do, I teared feeling the pressure of not meeting client’s expectation.
As I embraced writing as work, I got to relearn it from different dimensions.
It started with pure passion
I started writing because I could share my story the way I wouldn’t talk about life. When it connected with people, it gave me the push to keep writing.
I never thought I would ever be good enough to be a ‘real writer’.
When someone trusted me with his book project, he also gave me the affirmation I need to believe in myself.
During our first meeting, I shared with him what writing means to me. He said yes without even looking at my work. I gained enough confidence to start a content writing company.
I learned that when we give life energy and passion, life will reciprocate with the right opportunity at the right time.
For the first time, I felt like answering a calling in life because I had clients before starting a business. Things fell into places for me.
For start, I took on every project that came my way. I did video script, corporate profile, blog, website content, sales deck, flyers, speech, business deck, award entry essay, and investment plan.
When it comes to turning ideas into word, I thought there is nothing that could beat me.
I fell in my face while writing investment plan for a new company.
In my writer role, the owner expected me to conduct industry research like a business consultant. As I struggled to get it right, I beat myself up for not meeting the expectation.
I pushed myself so hard that I broke down when I wrote, and I questioned myself, why?
Why do I write? What do I want to achieve? What’s the point of all these?
My brain is colonised by work
After learning my lesson, I continued to write and write.
Then came a week when I had several jobs to submit within short notice; I faced another challenge I never expected.
Ideas and thoughts kept hovering in my head, I couldn’t shut down my mind. It felt as though my brain was colonised by clients’ work.
I would think about how to present an idea, or how to tell a better story when I ate, shower, drank coffee, and ran. If I had an idea before I slept, I made sure to capture it no matter how late it was.
While having work-life integration was great, I couldn’t strike the right balance.
As I explored different type of assignments in different industries, I enjoyed the dynamic of constantly tackling new challenges.
However, deep down I was searching for personal values besides commercial value in my work.
When I started the company, my mission was ‘to create beautiful and meaningful contents that touch life’. But when it came to building company website, I changed it to ‘create content that walks, talks and converts’ in order to appeal to potential clients.
It was easy to study clients’ company, analyse their story telling, find flaws and fix them.
When I had to tell my own company story, I lost my voice in identity crisis. My heart craved for meaning, but what I did were mainly business writing that was structured and restricted.
What does writing mean to me?
Return to heart
After months of write life, I learned that without a purpose, writing is an action without meaning. The purpose of writing makes all the difference.
When both entrepreneurs whom I helped with award entries were shortlisted as finalist of Top Ten Young Malaysian 2017, I was truly proud of them, and I knew that I am doing something right.
While creating values for clients feels good, being able to make a difference in people’s lives fascinates me.
My passion didn’t become work, the difference now is that my passion and work requires the same action – to write.
Do something you love, and create a life worth loving. – Wallis Green
I love how it feels to be able to write a piece like this. I am on my way towards the kind of work I desire –
To create beautiful and meaningful contents that touch lives.