In 2016, when the café consultancy company I co-founded evolved over time, it became a trading company which I was not inspired to be part of. I lost motivation to grow it even though I knew what I could do.
Was I living at my full potential? Why had I stopped exploring? What do I really want?
These questions changed my life.
I was a prisoner of fear
I was scared because I knew that I need a change in life, and I had the opportunity to do so.
I was scared because I thought it was my only way out, and I was fully depending on my mentor to grant me the opportunity.
I was scared because I had reached a junction in life and I couldn’t see what lies ahead.
I felt that I had no control in life. Without a focal point, I couldn’t see what was going to happen tomorrow, a week, or one month later.
The chaos in my heart, feeling lost, and losing purpose was a horrible place to be.
Ask yourself better questions to get better answer
It took me a while to realise that the need for change came from my drive for connection, growth, and contribution. The moment I realised it, I decided to take control of my life.
When I was in search for an answer, I consumed self-development talks, podcasts, and books, surrounded myself with Oprah Winfrey, Tony Robbins, Brandon Burchard, and Wayne Dyer. I searched for coaching materials to figure out the big question, what do I want in life?
In this process, I found two important questions that helped me gain clarity:
1. What were your proudest moments in life?
I pointed three things that made me feel the most fulfilled and happy all my life. The first was my article on Medium that received hundreds of recommendations, the second was being interviewed by UBN radio based in the US regarding my article ‘Fear of Not Being Good Enough’, and the third was conquering Annapurma basecamp in a 6 days trek.
When I turned inwards and revisited my past, I noticed that I wasn’t motivated by extrinsic factors such as money, status, and recognition. I care about growth and accomplishing something beyond my limitation; I love adventures.
2. What do you want to do? Why?
During that time, I was greatly influenced by James Altucher’s concept of idea sex, where you take your top interests, mix and match, and come out with new ideas.
Being in the coffee industry, I decided that I wanted to write a coffee book.
In a coaching session, when I was required to write down the ‘why’ to support what I wanted to do, I wrote – I wanted to help people to live a fulfilling life in their own term.
Looking at what I wrote, I experienced a life-changing moment that silently shattered my world.
I finally saw it – I cared about people, not coffee.
All my internal struggle and suffering were caused by the mismatch between my actions and my life purpose. I’ve always thought that I love coffee because I associated the pleasant experience of serving people in a café with coffee itself.
The moment I changed my narration, my life changed.
It is in the rough that we find treasure
From my struggle to figure out what I want in life, I learned that ‘finding passion’ is a long pursuit without a final destination.
Passion is a spirit of love from within that enables me to create value in my unique way and persevere no matter how hard things get. It starts with how I create value for people who are already in my life and how I care for people who matter to me.
At the end of a long battle with fear and ambiguity, I sold my share in the company I co-founded and turned my life upside down.
Even though uncertainty scares me, it is a blessing to wake up every morning knowing that I could create the best day of my life.
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