How mum becomes my frenemy for life

Frenemy noun fren·e·my \ˈfre-nə-mē\

: one who pretends to be a friend but is actually an enemy

I spent my teenage years trying to prove my mum wrong in everything.

Teenagers hate to be told what not to do and they think they are in control of everything.

It annoyed the hell out of me when mum banned me from having a boyfriend so that I can focus on my studies (typical Asian!).

I had my first boyfriend when I was 15. Little did I know what the heck love was but I signed up for it because the guy was kinda cute and I kinda liked him and most of all, mum told me not to.

I wanted to prove her wrong by getting good grades in school which I did. I managed to ace all exams and secured scholarship that sent me to Australia while having boyfriend.

I hated it when mum wanted to know everything I did and who I was with; while mum hated the super mini skirt and shorts that I loved wearing.

At some point I distanced myself from the whole family, locked myself in room and immersed in novels as thick as dictionary so that I could call myself a victim of ‘neglected child’.

Then I have good reason to do things that hurt my parents.

Life goes on.

I went to college after secondary school and university after college.

And then I started working, exploring the world on backpack, observing people and learning about different stories of life.

I fell in love and out of love, and I wondered how my parents could still hold hands when they go out after so many years. They let me see that love happens despite not having luck with boys.

As I grow older, I found myself losing interest in partying until wee hours and looking forward to stay home on Friday night just to rest and read.

Then came the time when I saw teenage girls on the street in mini skirt and wondered what the hell they were thinking. I almost forgot that I used to share the same fashion sense trying to be the cool girl.

And I think I understand mum a bit better.

Being in adulthood is harsh

We play the game for our own survivor and nobody is obliged to care about our feeling.

Home became wonderland in the world. Each time I go home I switch off fighting mode and turn on the kid mode,  letting my parents take care of me like old times.

I started to feel curious about mum’s life — how she met dad, who she dated before, who are her friends, how was her relationship with grandma and so on. I wondered why I never ask.

Mum became a girl friend whom I enjoy hanging out with.

I started sharing my life and frustration with mum, not because she can solve all my problems, but I know she is the only one who would never judge and truly wants the best for me.

Sometimes I still disagree with mum or try to outsmart her; but I have so much respect for mum because she is the superwoman who went through all the troubles I created and still love me regardless.

Mum dived into parenthood knowing how hard it is and does a tremendous job. She is the one I wanted to be when I have my baby girl (except the boy friend rules).

Rival or friend, mum shaped me and my world; and I couldn’t thank her enough in this life.

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