After four years of wandering, hitting roadblocks and exploring, I quit the café industry for good and committed fully to content writing with a few projects in the pipeline.
The first day I transitioned from café industry to a full-time solopreneur, I woke up in fear. Out of desperation, I tried to seek comfort from the journal written when I retreated back home after giving up my last venture.
‘I know, I can handle life.’
When I came across this line, all broken feelings came back in a flash; warm tears welled my eyes.
I felt so thankful for the person I had become.
Challenge is a constant in life
For the first time, I felt like answering a calling in life because I had a small client base before starting a business. Things fell into places for me.
I went through a badly shattered phase to gain enough clarity to be who I am, to write, to tell stories, to inspire people.
To start off this career on my own, I took on every project that came my way. Writing became my job, my career, my passion, and my life.
I knew this path is going to be hard, but I never thought I’d be beaten again so soon.
When I accepted the assignment to write an investment proposal, I knew it was a big hat to wear, and yet I thought nothing could beat me when it comes to words.
As it went, I flopped.
A big blunder
In my role as writer, the owner expected me to conduct industry research like a business consultant. As I struggled to get it right, I beat myself up for not meeting the expectation.
The moment the client reprimanded me, I was engulfed in self-doubt, paralyzed with fear. It was all so familiar and yet unstoppable. For days, I found escape in sleeping when my world fell silent.
No matter how many challenges I had conquered in life, the new one had its unique ability to strike at a specific moment and completely disarmed me. It brought out the monsters lurking in me – doubt, fear, feeling of not being good enough.
I was aware that I created the chaotic mess in my head, and yet I felt utterly powerless to shut it down.
The only way we learn and grow is to ask question
I pushed myself so hard that I broke down when I wrote, and I questioned myself, why?
Why do I give up my power to emotion? What do I want to achieve? What’s the point of all these?
When forced to the corner, I learned to adapt, accept, and bounce back. I accepted that I felt like crap. I accepted that there was a distance between who I am and who I want to be. I accepted that it was temporary. I accepted that I had given my best effort. I accepted that I couldn’t please everyone.
When I turned attention from head to heart, my heart gained strength.
It didn’t matter that who was right or wrong. It mattered that I dove into the problem when I felt like quitting; that we kept our ego in check and worked together.
Return to my heart
After months of write life, I learned that without a purpose, writing is an action without meaning.
When both entrepreneurs whom I helped with award entries were shortlisted as the finalists of Top Ten Young Malaysian, I was truly proud of them, and I knew that I was doing something right.
While creating values for clients felt good, being able to make a difference in people’s lives fascinated me.
My passion didn’t become work, the difference is that my passion and work requires the same action – to write.
‘Do something you love, and create a life worth loving.’ – Wallis Green
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