At 26, I went back home, back to having nothing in life.
When I left the company I started, I knew I was following a path that felt like my path. Even though I was not sure where it would lead to, I was ready to find out.
I was scared of a blank page, but I knew all that I need to feel enough, happy, and successful was in me.
True love is unconditional
Without a company on my back, a job title, a career, I got to learn about myself by detaching life from everything else.
I realised how much I had when I had nothing. People who love me didn’t see me differently even though I made a big shift in life and changed my identity.
I couldn’t ask for more in life, to have my parents believing in me, supporting me, and loving me all these times.
I wish I understood earlier so that I could avoid hurting them and thinking less of them; but this wasn’t how life works.
This too shall past
While I created new routines consist of reading, learning, running, and doing house chores, I accepted all emotions and thoughts coming through me as they were, letting myself sink and expand.
There were times I felt love and joy, there were moments I felt small and doubtful.
When there was not much distraction in life, I saw all forms of myself clearly — the joyful, the sorrowful, the prideful, the doubtful, the hopeful, the fearful…
‘This too shall pass, I’m going to be okay,’ I told myself again and again.
Listen to myself
I would never discover so much of myself without hitting the rock bottom.
It let me see that I was okay even when things didn’t work out the way I wanted. I was okay even when I chose to go back to having nothing in life.
The more important questions are, what matters to me? What do I want to create? How do I want to serve others?
I can start whenever, wherever, as long as I have a clear inner compass.
When there was no deadline, no project, nothing expected of me, I stayed in the natural state of life driven by curiosity, I listened to myself clearly.
As I went back to life later, I would lose myself again, go through more struggles, and move closer towards who I am.
That’s the fun of life — to explore, to get lost, to find ourselves, to try again and again.
Rock bottom gave me contrast in life
Life is about contrast. It’s about knowing what you don’t want to know what you want, knowing what love isn’t to know what love is.
Hitting the rock bottom was a benchmark to which I knew I had calmness and emptiness in me, I knew life could be full of love if we choose so.
Wherever I am right now, it is the sum of choices I made in life.
At rock bottom, nothing could be worse, the only way forward is upward.
‘We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.’ — T. S. Eliot
Celebrate infinite possibilities
Rock bottom was a training ground that tested how much I was aligned with my inner being, how firm I was in my beliefs, how big a setback I could take in life.
It was a beautiful pit stop in life that shaped who I am.
It gave me the ‘wow, I did it!’ moment in retrospect. Without pausing and going backward, there wouldn’t be space for clarity and self-evaluation.
‘If there’s one upside to massive failure, it’s that you reach a point where you quite literally have nothing left to lose. At that moment, you have a blank canvas with infinite possibilities for what could become your next masterpiece.’ – Srinivas Rao
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