“How do I know when I’m ready?”
“You won’t. That’s all it is, a leap of faith.”
Seated in the dark with popcorn in my hand, I was marvelled at the profundity of what I just heard in the Spiderman cartoon.
I felt understood, moved, relieved that I’m not the only lunatic out there.
Sometimes, I believe in myself so much that it almost seems ridiculous. It was a lonely journey where I could only trust myself when there were many voices telling me where I should go.
I have to show up for what I believe in every, single, second.
How do you learn to trust?
It got me thinking when a friend asked me this question recently.
I couldn’t find words to explain what trust is. It is something to be experienced, the result of work and intention, suffering and reconciliation.
I’ll always remember how broken I felt when someone I look up to told me to get a job and stop ‘floating’. In that conversation, he squashed my confidence, self-esteem and belief into many tiny pieces, made me feel so small and so foolish.
Picking the pieces up, I silently made a pact with myself to create my own reality.
It takes a broken spirit to learn that I could trust my intuition.
“One has to kill a few of one’s natural selves to let the rest grow — a very painful slaughter of innocents.” — Henry Sidwick.
What do I want in life? It’s a question that I asked myself a little late in life.
In the span of 5 years, I slaughtered a few of my old self to get closer to who I really am. Each time I pulled the trigger, it was not so much of a choice but a realisation.
The further I explored, the more I realized that all kinds of creation take risk.
I chose to take a leap and trust that life will honour my courage.
The fun thing about life is that if I spent it on something I really believe in, I can be proud of myself no matter what the outcome is.
The spark in you
So, when did I know that I'm ready?
That’s a leap of faith. The mystery of life to be lived. The grandeur of what my story could be. The fun to be alive.
“I see a spark in you. Whatever you choose to do with it, you’ll be great.” — Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Take a leap of faith.
Because of the spark in you.