Sometimes, I run away from life.
I ran away when all the plans in my head didn’t feel right, and yet I couldn’t grasp what my heart wants. I was told that this is a typical millennial’s self-induced problem. Just do something, they said, get a job.
No books or coach could elevate my internal crisis; nothing would change if I keep spinning round and round on the ground.
So I ran. To a new place. A new space. Rewire a new mind.
A new place
I used to say that I went ‘soul-searching’ when I hit the road. When I got a little bit wiser, I thought, whose soul was I searching for when my soul has always been with me?
And then, I found myself in a new place where nobody expected me to be me besides the red little booklet that gave me an identity.
I began my adventure talking to new people, exploring different lives from different continents, tasting food on the street, observing how people interacted with each other at the corner of a coffee shop.
Every day, I went out seeking for things that gave me joy without ever being asked to prove my worth.
Then I asked myself, what is real life? What makes a life real?
I could get through life with just a backpack.
A new space
I hid out in a meditation retreat and cut off all the connections with the world.
I was annoyed when a thousand thoughts crossed my mind between breathing in and out, I didn’t come for this.
As I kept on breathing, the thoughts subsided eventually. In a vast space of stillness, my heart was like a giant cave that kept me enclosed with love — the kind of love that brings tears to my eyes just because it was there.
Nothing changed externally, but everything I saw suddenly popped in vibrant colours, why hadn’t I realized how beautiful the world is?
I told myself, ‘I am nothing, I want nothing, I do nothing’.
I hoped people could see what see, feel what I feel. How might I do that?
It became the source of all actions.
Rewire a new mind
The world is a construct of my mind. I was hurting, feeling lost, being stuck in my thoughts when the sky was as blue as ever, the sun as warm as ever.
I worked for other people and called it a job but thought that I was jobless when I worked on myself. I felt sorry when I realised how cruel I used to be towards myself.
Seeing a world full of abundance where everything thrives without interference, can I really control life? Do I need to?
I ran away to find out what I want and what I need when I am all alone, so that I can trust it later when many voices would tell me it is not enough.
Hi, I am Isabelle, author of ‘The Art of Owning Your Story’, I write about conscious living and personal growth, building a podcast called ‘Own Your Story’. If you enjoy what you read, subscribe to get the latest contents delivered to your inbox! Thank you 🙂