It hurts when you love someone but you have to let them go. It’s like a sharp blaze cutting through your flesh, it bleeds. I was so angry when he told me he was not in the right position for a relationship, and that he doesn’t want to drag me down and hurt me more. Basically, what he was trying to say is ‘I love my career more than I love you’.
1. Don’t ask him to stay, or lower your par to make him stay
He must have thought it through a thousand times before he decided that he has no space for you in his current state of life. It does not make it okay, but you have to respect his choice.
There are a lot of great entrepreneurs with spouse and partner. Richard Branson met Joan and be there for her while he was doing all his crazy stuff. ‘Not in the position’ simply means that he does not love you enough to commit his time and effort for a relationship with you. So let him go, for there will be someone who will be love you the way Richard Branson loves Joan.
2. Give yourself a 24 hours melt down, don’t hide
It is okay to feel hurt, broken, and drown in pain. Accept that and give yourself 24 hours to grief.Then you come back strong. In 24 hours, do whatever that makes you feel better because you deserve it. Talk to your friends, your brothers, sisters and people who love you unconditionally.
You might think that nobody understands how painful you feel but that is not true. Who doesn’t experience losses and heartbreak in life?
3. Don’t hate him, or try to prove him wrong
You don’t have to deny the good qualities that you saw in him even though things don’t end up the way you envisioned. His greatness doesn’t mean a thing to you when he could not be a boyfriend. You will not let a break up define what you stand for.
You’re strong enough. Give yourself some credit for that if anything, breaking up is crazy! You will be better and be great in life not to prove him wrong but for yourself. You owe yourself the responsibility to be a great person, to love and to give to the world.
4. Be grateful for the journey
There was this moment during our backpacking trip that hurt the most whenever I think about it — we were on top of a pagoda overseeing sunset in Bagan. He was right beside me, and I told myself, ‘this moment is just perfect, and I could love him forever’. I consciously remember the scent in the air, the temperature, the view and people around us at that precise moment.
Would I have signed up for this if I knew I’m going to get hurt one day? Hell yes! The cool thing about life is to love whole heartedly and live in the moment. Getting hurt makes you stronger. It gives you more compassion and makes you feel alive. You do not hold back for anything in life.
5. Stay focus
After the melt down, the 24 hours limit, keep a vision of future that draws enthusiasm, excitement, and engagement from you. Being in mid 20s is the best time in life to decide what you want to do for life. You are in the position where you have seen a bit of the real world to get the feel of how things work. It is time when you recognize your purpose and define your vision in life. You should focus on how to make things happen and work on an action plan. It is not a good sign if you feel comfortable with life at this point of life. You know what? You will fall in love along the way.
Breaking up is hard.
But you are never alone in the break-up business. You probably went through it before and you turn out just fine. Dealing with this as an adult, you could be more mindful compared to the 17-years-old teenage girl who cries herself to sleep for 1 week and swears to prove the ex wrong one day.
It’s your life and you own it.
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