isabellethye

Goodbye is – Thank you, I love you

When I saw tubes penetrating through his fragile body, it broke my heart.

‘Happy face, happy face,’ I told myself while swallowing tears. I held his hands and gently caressed his skin. Never had I done this before.

There were so many things that I wanted to tell him. But when I sat beside his bed in the icy cold ICU, I couldn’t summon any words.

I knew goodbye was approaching, and I didn’t want to have any regrets with my uncle.

This was the man who held me in his arms when I was an infant, watched me grew as a person, and guided me in life when I needed help.

When I sat by his side in the last phase of his life, what can I do?

How can I hold space for him? For my aunt who was losing her husband? For dad who was losing his younger brother?

I revisited all intersections of our life to figure out what were unsaid and undone.

I was glad I saw him in every family gathering. I remembered how he told a peck of us about grown up life when we were kids. I remembered how much fun we had during family karaoke sessions at cousins’ weddings. I remembered how happy we were taking family portrait every Chinese New Year.

He was in happy memories that make me smile. We had lived through it.

I had taken for granted that he will always be a part of our big family, a part of my life. I am sorry I didn’t spent much time with him.

I was so thankful that I had the chance to say goodbye. In the last few hours of my uncle’s life, I told him that I give him 10 out 10 as an uncle, and I love him.

Thank you, I love you.

This was what my aunt kept whispering into his ears in the very last moment. At the end of life, this is all that matter.

When we watched the heart rate gradually flattened on monitor, I replayed all happy memories with my uncle while holding his hand. I felt his palm turned cold.

Nobody likes goodbye, but it is important to do it well.

Listening to my aunts and uncles saying their goodbye made me smile in tears. There was so much love in it.

Even though my uncle suffered from a dysfunction body at the end of his life, he was lucky to have families and friends who stayed around until his last moment. He left with lots of love and blessing.

I realised that we often don’t see the need to let people know how we feel about them. People whom we love so dearly only get to hear it when we have to say goodbye.

This is something I want to change. I will say thank often, express love often, and forgive often. People who matter to us deserve a life time to know how great they are, not at the end of their life.

Thank you for being a great uncle. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for a life lesson.

Goodbye is – thank you, I love you.

1 Comment

  1. JenAugust 27, 2016

    Awesome article! It’s so touching..i love reading it again..

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