What existential crisis taught me about life
The right question at the right time can change the course of a life, can still a turbulent mind, or heal an angry heart.
I went through tough struggle to figure out what I want in life when I lost sight of purpose in running a café consultancy business.
There was a period when I meditated a lot, often burst into tears in meditation. I questioned everything I knew about life, meaning, purpose, and future.
I was in an existential vacuum. Why was I here for?
I felt scared of uncertainty, I felt helpless and alone.
I’d always thought that coffee was my passion, until I told myself, ‘No, it is not. I’m leaving it behind.’
Where do I go from there? My world crumbled.
Life becomes lighter when I realise that nobody matters eternally
From questioning myself intensely and forcing myself to think, I started to accept the fact that ‘I don’t know’, I stopped thinking and focus on doing little things that made me feel good.
Without confusing thoughts playing in my head all day, I was able to clarify what I didn’t want.
The process to clear all noise and listen to myself took some time, but I came out of it with a knowing that I had all the answers within me.
As my consciousness expanded, I became aware of the higher energy that drives all physical beings. We are a dust in universe.
When we see the smallness of our existence, we are able to look at the big picture and ask ourselves – what can I create during my life time here? Will it matter 100 years from now?
Allow things to flow
In the space of losing hope, feeling unworthy and lonely, living in fear, trying hard and yet not reaching the answer, I gained compassion for everyone around me who are fighting their own battle.
We are not that much different after all.
We need to do internal work to feel good about ourselves. When I was able to stay in present, feel love, express gratitude, my heart opened up little by little.
When I stopped forcing myself to ‘figure things out’, I was able to receive the curve ball life threw at me.
I learned that life will flow in its own way without our interference when we feel contentment in each and every moment.
Our outer world starts from our inner world
When I attribute my emotions to myself, I could change my choice to have a different outcome. When I stop expecting others to change for me, I gain self-empowerment to decide my actions.
I remembered at the end of a silence meditation camp, our Guru summoned all first-time participants to sit around him. I couldn’t recall the whole speech, but a message was forever engraved in my heart.
He said, ‘whenever you feel lost, you don’t know what to do with life, always remember Seva (service). This world is so big, it has many problems. Go out and help people, and you will not feel lost.’
There were so much love and compassion in the Guru’s word that flow through my heart like a warm stream. Having lots of questions and doubt dancing in my heart, I was moved to tears.
Go out and help people, life is not hard.