The older I get, the more I understand that I am a creator, the more I am at peace with who I am.
This understanding is of utmost importance because it liberated me to create whatever I want to, without feeling the need to fulfil a certain image.
Whenever I look back, I was always appalled and amazed by how life happened to me, for me, step by step, turn by turn, to reach where I am today, appreciative of all my cracks.
When I was struggling in an existential crisis at 26, I came across a piece of common advice that said, ‘think about what you wanted to become when you’re 6 years old, that’s usually who you really should be’.
I looked back, tried really hard to remember, stunned by the conclusion that the first 2 decades of my life was a canvas without my own painting.
Then, I started to live life, my very own life, free from all the rules and standard and the path labelled with ‘supposed-to-be’.
It took me years to detach myself from the ‘worthy person’ I was conditioned to believe all my life.
Having zero income and still surviving freed me a little. Travelling alone and having very little to spend freed me more. Having nothing and restarting life from scratch freed me fully.
I made thing. Put it out there. Made thing. Put it out there.
When the things I made felt more and more like me, I cared less and less about what people thought about me.
Because I have a reason to love myself.
I love my life not because I can afford everything I want or do anything I want to.
It’s because I have the freedom to decide how I engage with the world and who I surround myself with.
I have the freedom to fall, to be bruised, to get back up and keep going.
I make things that I enjoy and the things I make connect with people who need them. It means the world because I get to participate in a person’s life and make an impact by creating something that has meaning and purpose.
Now, I write whatever I want to, because I wish you too can paint whatever you want to on your own canvas.